Apples and Wine

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of  the
tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because  they are
afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they  sometimes take the
apples from the ground that aren't as good, but  easy. The apples at
the top think something is wrong with them,  when in reality, they're
amazing. They just have to wait for the  right man to come along, the
one who's brave enough to climb all  the way to the top of the tree.

Now Men.... Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and  it's
up to women to stomp the s___ out of them until they turn  into something
acceptable to have dinner with!

ATTRACTION

        So she looks me dead in the eye with an unwavering gaze and asks, “so what attracts you, what is it about her that makes you say, oh yeah, I think she is beautiful.” Sitting on a bar stool with one leg graciously crossed over the other. One foot is bouning to a beat that only she can hear. A glass in one hand while the other guides a skinny litte straw to her mouth. I pull my gaze away from her to glance at who she is referring to across the restaurant and realize she is referring to nobody and asking about anybody. Oh boy, I think, this is a loaded question and I am a little worried because really, this girl isn’t the type that I normally go for; but I take the bait and dive in. Besides, I‘ve already told her I think she‘s beautiful. I haven’t told her she isn’t my “ideal”. Besides, I like where this conversation is going. “I want someone that is open and honest and a lover of life. She has to be willing to take chances and must find the beauty in everything that she does. I want someone who has faith in God and in people and she must want to have children. Intelligence is a must. She needs to be physically fit. After all, I’m very active and she needs to be able to enjoy being outdoors, riding bikes, etc” She smiles and I smile back. Right at that moment I remember how much I love a beautiful smile. I pause, take a drink and move a little closer to her, lowering my voice “Okay, I confess, I am a sucker for a curvaceous figure, but I am not going to apologize about that. Being overweight is a sign to me that she just doesn’t care much about her health.” Luckily, for me, this girl is trim and curvy. I remember her mentioning that she would like to lose a few pounds but for the life of me, I don’t know what the hell she is talking about. But that doesn’t surprise me. I haven’t met many women that are completely confident in their looks. I’m trying to be a gentleman but my gaze keeps wandering. However, at this point I am pretty confident I won’t be wearing her drink. I pause and watch her as she lowers her glass. The ice makes tinkling sounds and her eyes shine as she looks up at me. She asks, “but what about physical beauty? She has to be attractive doesn’t she?” This one is coy, I am thinking. Oh yes,

        “Oh, of course” I explain, trying not to sound like a professor. “She has to have a certain level of beauty in order to catch my eye.” Nobody ever points to the grey moth unless it’s really massive. We always look at the rainbow inspired Monarch. I must admit, before I tell her what I am about to say, I feel as if I am trying to convince myself. Am I trying to be gentleman like? Maybe I’m just thinking about that goodnight kiss. But I continue. Trying to be convincing but not sure who I am trying to convince. “Beauty is important but I have seen “perfect 10’s” turn into a six, or worse and I have seen a so-called six become so much more. Personality and attitude and confidence can really change a woman in my eyes. Especially confidence. I don’t know if there is anything more attractive than confidence. As long as it doesn’t become cocky.”

 And that much for sure I believe. People have a tendency to “grow” on us. Even though a beautiful woman has a way of turning me into a slobbering idiot. I, at least, have gotten better at recognizing this fallacy of mine.

        As I was reflecting on this conversation with her, I realized that I hadn’t answered her question, really. She asked what attracted me and I told her what I was looking for in a life-long partner. Two different animals there. Attraction vs. “the one” They aren’t always the same thing. That immediate attraction can be a powerful thing. Exciting! New! There is a reason it is so powerful. That moment when you first see that someone. Your brain turns to oatmeal and you start to drool and other parts of your anatomy try to wrestle control away from your brain. The music fades and all you see is her. Part of that reason is the way we are “hard wired.” Let me explain.

        Would you rather be blind or deaf or lose your sense of smell? I am suggesting to you that being blind would be the worst sense to lose. Sorry, but a little anatomy lesson is in order here. “Hanging” from your brain, are 12 cranial nerves. Ones that are not associated with your spinal cord. They control muscles of your neck, your tongue, your face, your sense of vision smell, etc. just to list a very short few. Of those 12, one controls smell, two control taste, three control hearing, and get this, six of them control vision. I must admit, this is slightly open to a little interpretation. For example, there is one that controls the muscles in your tongue but I didn’t count that as one that controls taste. But I did count one that controls blinking even though that isn’t really “vision”. However, you can taste without moving your tongue (although it would be a bitch to swallow anything) but try looking at something for a long time without blinking. Blinking cleans your eye so you can see. Anyway, 6 of the 12 are involved in vision. That is a lot of brainpower that is dedicated to only one sense. And I’m only talking about sensory and motor nerves. I haven’t even touched on the occipital lobe of the brain in the back of your skull that synthesizes all of that information. Lose your sense of vision and your gonna freak out a little bit. To say the least. More, I think, than if you lose your hearing or sense of smell. This has important implications on attraction. We are a very visual animal. Look how much we spend on making ourselves look appealing to the opposite sex. Before that date with the above mentioned girl the other night, I went out and got my haircut, shaved (twice), plucked any wildly growing nose hairs so it didn’t look as if spiders were crawling out of my nose, fixed my hair, polished my shoes, put on clean clothes, (after I ironed my shirt) put on a necklace, chose the right jeans, wristwatch and even made sure my socks matched my shoes and my belt. Of course, I made sure I smelled clean, put on a little aftershave (not too much!) and deodorant. But that took little time compared to the time I put into how I looked. And I am not a “metro” kind of guy. After all, I was wearing jeans but I made sure they fit me well and they were clean and unwrinkled. And her? Oh boy, did she look good when she showed up at my door. I even asked her to turn around once for me. Oh boy, she didn’t just pick up some jeans from the floor. She put some work into it. Funny thing is, this wasn’t our first date or even the second. But we still are trying to be attractive to each other. I mean, My God, I shaved twice with the ultra triple, titanium blade, gold plated handled razor… Okay, I’m going a little far but I had to be sure I got all of those little stubbles! Baby butt smooth for sure! So as I have said before, she isn’t really my type from a physical, first look kind of look. Sure, she’s cute but all of my previous girlfriends have been very dark and exotic looking. Not that I haven’t dated blondes it’s just that they aren’t really what I go for. In case you haven’t heard, there is this Freudian idea that we are somehow attracted to somone that represents our mother. (Your father, if you are female) My mother is one-half Colombian. She has brown skin, dark, curly hair and is rather curvy. Man I hate to describe my mother physically! It kind of gives me the heebie jeebies. My last serious girlfriend was Mexican/Indian with dark curly hair, dark skin…. So what am I doing with this blue eyed blondie? The first thing that attracted me was her smile and her laugh. She has pearly white teeth framed with full lips. When she laughs (I have a way of making her laugh a lot) she has a way of throwing back her head and tossing her hair. It is like cornsilk under a blazing sun. Her eyes kind of squint when she laughs making her look a lot like Renee Zelwegger. It isn’t a tinkling kind of laugh like ice cubes in a glass. It’s full, rich and deep. I am woman, hear me roar! Her smile and her laugh make me grin.

        It’s interesting how attraction works. You have a plan. You have an ideal and then, right before your eyes it changes. You know what you like and that’s what you look for but then…Who knows what am I trying to say here? I’m not sure. My analytical mind has it all figured out, but the emotional animal inside me fights it. Man it can be so confusing. They catch your eye, and from there a signal speeds through those network of neurons and heads somehow that is inexplicable to scientists, straight to your heart. Or maybe the signal races to that animal part of our brain that we all have. You know, we are only a few alcoholic drinks (or lonliness?) away from behaving not much more like a lizard or a dog. Food, water, sleep, sex. All of the rudimentary drives of all animals on this rock we live on. But the key is that initial moment. Or is it that second thought? Someone once told me that second thoughts are often wiser than first impressions. Rarely have I met someone that really turned me on in that instant that turned out to be what I need or want from my “life partner”. Otherwise, I would still be with her. She may have been what I was attracted to, but in reality, she was that 10 that slowly took a nosedive. Beauty and “ugly” are sometimes a two sided coin. That isn’t always bad though. I’ve been rejected many times. I was the “ugly” side of that coin for whatever reason. Maybe that is all they could tune into. But flip that coin, attract someone and suddenly you are the 10! That’s pretty cool!

Some days, you’re the ugly duckling. Some days you are the swan. It‘s all in the eyes of the beholder.

So back to my date. I am glad that I didn’t hold onto that “type” that I look for. She has many qualities that I look for. Sharp, witty, funny, cute…Is she the future for me? Way too early to tell for that one. Who knows she might just be a step on my path to my true future. But I won’t know unless I think practically, not emotionally. Does she hold those values that are important to me? Is she so beautiful that I ignore or explain away “little things” that aren’t so little? Only time will tell. I guess what I am trying to say is, make sure you know what is important in your life. Look to the people in your life that have made a true difference and know you inside and out and still love everything about you. They are probably the ones that hold your values without you even realizing it. Love at first sight? I doubt it. Sounds romantic but more than likely it’s lust. Love is too special and too important to flip on like a switch. I think it should take a spark that lights a small flame and then is coaxed into a bonfire. Sure you can pour gasoline on it and it will burst into warm life but it kind of stinks, the gas burns off real quick and it’s a little dangerous. It feels better knowing you worked at it a little.

And be sure you look at both sides of the coin. And that they look at yours. The beautiful part and the ugly.

One of the most important lessons I ever learned from my mother was to trust the wisdom of people that have been there before me. I remember her telling me several times throughout my youth that “experience counts for so much.” I have always remembered that and have taken it with me in all of my endeavors. I think we have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Listen twice as much as you talk. Patty Hoffman used to get irritated with me for never speaking up during teacher’s meetings. Some of them got pretty heated I might add. Especially last year. We don’t just drink coffee and eat donuts. Don’t worry Patty, I was just listening and learning. I speak up more now. And thank you for letting me be me when you could have hammered me so much those first couple of years I taught. If it hadn’t have been for you, that first year of teaching would have been my last.

So I want to tell you who I look up to and why. I will stick with the ones you know. If I could transform myself into another person, it would be a mixture of three men. John Keilty, Mark Woodward and Joe Weber. They are icons in my life and they are my heros. I have learned so much from them about life. They also inspire me to be a better teacher and a better man.

John taught me the art of being positive and to never lose my cool. He is the most humble person in the world. If ever there could be someone that could be so full of themselves it would be Coach Keilty. Tall, icy blue eyes, fighter pilot…The first day I met him was at his retirement ceremony from Tinker Air Force Base. Hundreds of navy men cheered him and I remember getting goose bumps from his speech. One step away from Admiral and he decided to teach high school. He could be flying passenger jets for a six figure income. He would rather coach baseball and teach physics. All of that, and he still finds the great things in each person he meets. I get goose bumps and have shed tears just from hearing him talk. One of the best complements I ever received was when he thanked me for being such a great role model and friend to his son Jack. He never stops thanking me or seeking my advice. What in the world could I teach him? I feel like a puppy nipping at his heels begging for a drop of wisdom.

Mark Woodward is the best teacher I have ever been around. No wonder he was teacher of the year at Del City High School before he came to MSM. I only know Ms. Hathcoat from BMHS by reputation; she must be one hell of an educator to beat out The Wooman for Catholic Educator of the Year. Mark has a way of looking into your eyes and he doesn’t stop until he sees your soul. Imagine my surprise when he comes to me for advice. But oh, that’s the way it works sometimes. I go to him and he comes to me. Sometimes we look up and it has been three hours. What a talk we had Thursday night. We were at school til 1:30 in the morning. Call us crazy but many a late Sunday, when we should have been planning or grading we have sat in my lab or in his classroom talking about life, love, loss and girls we used to know, memories of growing up and teaching. Oh how he loves you all. But you already knew that. It is the Woo Way.

Joe Weber is my hero. Hall of Fame coach. Great father. Great teacher. And a great Christian. He is the man I want to be. Before I go on, there is a funny story here. If you know Joe he is a very intense man. Especially on Friday game days. He once yelled, yes he yelled, at John Keilty and I for not doing something before the game. I can’t even remember what it was. John said, “Yes sir!” I thought he was going to salute him. Back to my story. He is very intense. He likes to sit on the couch in the office before the game, or he will find a corner to sit in or he will lay on the floor. He has a look on his face like he wants to kill your mother. Nobody ever talks to Joe before a game. Ever. On the sidelines during a game he is, how do I put this politely. He is an asshole. A big stinker. Amazing once the game is over, he is the kindest man you would ever meet. So one Friday night about 45 minutes before we kick off, I go up to him while he is in his corner and I ask him in a real smart ass way, “Joe, are you going to try and enjoy this game or are you going to be an asshole?” He looks up at me and he says something I can’t repeat. He invited me to do something. That is all I will say. And then looks back down at his feet. So that started a new tradition. Every Friday after that, I made it a point to say something to him. “Try to have fun!” or, “Don’t be such a dick tonight” He finally started to laugh at me. You know really, he is a gentle man. I have seen him cry on Friday nights when he starts talking about our players. He loves them so much. He has a way about him that young men need these days. He is tough and he wants everyone to quit whining and complaining and just do your job. But the magic that is Joe is knowing when to hug someone and tell you that he loves you. I wrote him a letter one time and it made him cry. Don’t ever tell him I told you that! He is the first one to admit his mistakes and the first one to apologize. Oh how he loves to hear my date stories! He likes to live through me.

Talita DeNegri, our principal, once caught me cheating on a quiz in English my freshman year. It was her first year teaching, she was only 22 years old. Oh, how we had a crush on her! There is a reason she was the Oklahoma State Teacher of the Year in Oklahoma. She is a damned fine teacher. I am still learning from her to this day. Sometimes during meetings with students I am amazed that she can be so tough and so loveable at the same time. She is the female version of Coach Weber. Her dad, Senor Cordova was the VP, teacher, Key Club sponsor and mentor at MSM for 38 years. What an influence they have had on me. I can’t tell you how many times I was sent to his office. He once gave me a fine for reckless driving and called my parents. You know how you always have to have your financial obligations paid before they let you leave the school? Well, I had to pay for the fence that I ruined because I slid into it with my truck. I got the bill, but I never paid. But he always is the first one to give a hug to me when he sees me. “Cook!” he yells. Just like he used to when I was a smart-assed teen-ager. Then he hugs me and sometimes kisses me on the cheek. Just like he did when I was that smart assed teen-ager. Talita and Senor Cordova taught me that I don't have to be mean when I have to discipline a student. You can actually be loving while you do it!

Well, there are others, Dr. Doughtery thought I would make a fine physician and that made me so proud when he told me that. He taught me to respect everyone and that their opinions mattered no matter what. I never met anyone treat people with such respect while they were being total assholes. But he understood. People can be unpleasant when they are about to die. He certainly understood that. It didn't matter how smart he was or how ignorant they were or how large the gap was between what he knew and what they didn't. He taught me patience and to be respectful of all people at all times. Even when they were disprespectful to him.

I hope you all have people like this in your life. I also hope that no matter how great you think they are, you have had an impact on them. Every person that I mentioned has asked my opinion on very important matters. Just last week, Talita looked at me and said, “what should we do?” She genuinely was at a loss over a very tough matter we were dealing with. I said, “you’re asking me?” Yes she was and we figured it out. So I know that I play an important part in their lives as well. I know I do. We talk about serious stuff and we laugh and we get irritated with each other but we always respect each other. So remember, if you know these people or you know people like them, you have an affect on them as well. There are so many of you out there that I think are such wonderful people. You have changed my life. Just because you are young or inexperienced doesn’t mean that you don’t touch people in a special way. Just like there are times I feel like that puppy lapping at the big dog’s heels hoping for just a crumb. Sometimes the big dogs turn and they want to know what I think. Makes me feel pretty special. One more thing, there is no way that I could do this kind of entry for or about my students. It would take too long. So I am going to take the easy way out and let you all know that you have restored my faith in great people. I look at you and I am in awe at the idealism and the excitement and the great people that you are at such a young age. You make me strive to be a better teacher and mentor. You make me want to be like you.